At 26 years old, John was promoted to a higher position at a phone survey company. There were two guys, Chris and James, who used to be his friends before John got promoted. There was a rumor that John blackmailed his boss to get promoted. He moved from sharing an office with two guys to working in the cubicle. When he went to the office, there was a new guy named Nugai that took his place and he was staring at him for a long, excruciating, painful, ten seconds. Nugai is the type of person who doesn’t really like to take orders from his fellow employers, yet Chris and James told Nugai to follow John and tell him what they think of him and verbally abuse him as he returns to his cubicle. With a raised eyebrow, Nugai questioned what the purpose was of him verbally abusing John since he’s new to the company.
“I don’t know if I should do this” Nugai reluctantly said.
“Don’t worry,” replied James, “if something might happen we’ll take full responsibility.”
“You can hit him if you want to,” Chris subtlety said.
When John left the office, Nugai secretly followed him, and as soon he was near his cubicle, Nugai grabbed John and punched him repeatedly in front of the security camera. The original plan to verbally abuse John has drastically failed, but Chris and James were hoping this would happen. After John was physically abused, Nugai obviously got fired.
“Traitors, rats, skunks, spineless cowards!” Nugai shouted. “You were supposed to have my back, you were supposed to take responsibility of this. By God as my witness, I will have my personal revenge on both of you!” Chris and James ignored the distraction’s rant and went beyond their business.
They took matters into to their own hands as they went up to a weak and bloody John and verbally abused him, which impressed and made the boss jubilant. Chris and James were promoted while John got demoted to a janitor, due to personal issues.
I'm still confused at the beginning of your story. It sounds like there should be more scenes between John and Nugai...
ReplyDeleteThere should be plenty of dialog so that we know that there is resentment...why does Nugai dislike John? It's probably not enough to think that he was told to dislike John. Why do Chris and James do this? Just because they don't like what John has become?
All in all, there is still a lot of telling...I think that you need to isolate whose story this is and have a protagonist who is affected and changes within.
25/30